It’s a tale as old as time: headbanger by night, stakeholder whisperer by day.
Here’s your essential guide to decoding the absolute nonsense we hear in the office — and how it translates for those of us who’d rather be in a pit.
| Buzzword | What they say | What it actually means (Metal Edition) |
|---|---|---|
| “Let’s circle back.” | We’ll revisit this later. | You’re stuck in a circle pit of doom. No escape. |
| “Can we align on this?” | We disagree but I want to win. | You’re about to be dropkicked in the face by Legal. |
| “Bandwidth.” | Do you have time? | Are you emotionally stable enough to not scream in this meeting? |
| “Low-hanging fruit.” | The easy win. | Playing Enter Sandman to a crowd of Dads. |
| “Quick win.” | Can you do this now, unpaid? | Like playing your hit single mid-set because the crowd’s dying. |
| “Siloed approach.” | We’re not communicating. | It’s every department for themselves — like festival toilets after 3 days. |
| “Take this offline.” | Shut up. | See you outside the tent. Bring receipts and elbows. |
| “Synergy.” | The buzzword to end all buzzwords. | The sonic equivalent of a band forcing a ballad no one asked for. |
If you’ve ever wanted to stage dive through a meeting agenda, you’re not alone. We’re all just trying to survive until the next gig. Or at least until lunch.
Cc: You in the Pit 
Leave a comment